Here’s What Book You Should Read Based On Your Favorite Gilmore Girls Character

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Herewith you will find a list of which books to read based on your favorite Gilmore Girls character, just in time for the Netflix revival on NOVEMBER 25th!

(Related: 19 Books Rory Would Have Read During The Past 19 Years)

How do you plan to celebrate this momentous occasion? I myself will have an elaborate post-Thanks feast of pop tarts, various chips and respective dips, Chinese food from a restaurant of ill repute, a la Al’s Pancake World, to settle in for six hours of indigestion and whimsy!

If your favorite character is Emily Gilmore…

51xxrzecghlRead: I’ll See You in Paris by Michelle Gable

First of all, congratulations—this is the correct answer. We don’t like to lambast readers with our political agenda here at Glommable, but facts are facts.

Part of this novel fictionalizes the life of true blue hellraiser extraordinaire, Gladys Spencer-Churchill, the Duchess of Marlborough, who frequently carried rifles at the dinner table, was painted by Boldini, and was rumored (self-started in some cases) to have trysts with a slew of contemporaneous dignitaries. If you think this seems a little rowdy for Emily’s tastes, please do not forget this golden exchange:

Richard: Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch!

Emily: Then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am OPEN FOR BUSINESS!

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Lorelai Gilmore…

51q6cbqg6lRead: Treasure Island!!! by Sara Levine

A wily young woman shirks her pet shop job (but keeps a parrot) and decides to fulfill her destiny, which she believes has been foretold in Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic Treasure Island. 

Hilarious, morally dubious, and funny as shit, the wholly original heroine at the center of this novel evokes flashes of Lorelai, also known to make questionable choices with her life (and even erratic squawks when the need for coffee is at DefCon 1).

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Rory Gilmore…

41iqtp69pslRead: Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

Okay, okay, interesting choice… maybe you’re young?  Maybe you’ve yet to learn right from wrong? Hey, who’m I to judge, I like helmet-haired women of a certain age who can really dish it out. We are all of us imperfect.

Rory (and those who relate to her) should know better than most that life doesn’t always happened as planned. One goes to Yale when one has a wall of Harvard merch! One pulls a Life & Death Brigade stunt when one planned to be a passive viewer!! One gets blunt bangs in season 6 with which one must constantly fiddle, thus futzing with continuity!!!

Based on the tidbits we could suss from the revival trailer, Rory still seems to be finding herself, and Cheryl Strayed’s book of tenderly written, utterly empathic butt-kickery will be a port in the storm for any wayward, shiny-haired waif.

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Richard Gilmore…

51x4l0oizilRead: Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow

Oh, ya ole softy!

Richard would probably only be peripherally familiar with the hit Broadway musical based on Chernow’s biography, but he would certainly enjoy a well-researched dive into one of our founding fathers. And hey, Richard could get down with some Chuck Berry now and then—maybe he’d appreciate Lin-Manuel Miranda’s soulful flows. If, in some alternative present, he managed to nab two sweet VIP Hammy seats for him and Emily, you know he would not (come on) throw away (jeez) his (yikes) SHOT! (Noice.)

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Luke Danes…

51obgicyyfl-_sx356_bo1204203200_Read: Miss Lonelyhearts by Nathanael West

The working class hero. The unsung ache of a yearning heart. The hairline that confounds when unburdened by backwards baseball hat. Lucas “Butch” Danes is a man tormented by emotions of which he cannot speak. It takes self-help tapes and lots of inner searching before Luke realizes…he can see her face.

Similarly unlearned in the art of romantic overture, but trying his damnedest, is the eponymous Miss Lonelyhearts, shackled by the banality of a job in which he must dispense advice to the broken-hearted, but struck numb ‘n’ dumb by his emasculating boss and the brutal, deadpan monotony of la vie triste. Miss Lonelyhearts makes no mention of wearing flannel, but if he’d been a diner owner in 2005 and not a columnist in 1933, he most surely would have.

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Sookie St. James…

51ocnhfbgbl-_sx373_bo1204203200_Read: Cooking for Jeffrey by Ina Garten

Master chef Sookie may not possess Ina’s innate grace and hand-eye coordination (after all, Sookie did set an inn on fire…twice), but she certainly likes cranking CCR and making a manly meal for her husband. A devoted friend and mother, Sookie gets the most pleasure from seeing others enjoy her muffin bottom pies or famous risotto, as long as it’s with the right wine pairing. 

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Paris Gellar…

41dikbnsqslRead: When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

Congratulations, this is another correct answer. If you don’t hold a soft spot for Paris, well, in the words of our queen, “Tie your tubes, idiot.”

At Yale, she was pre-med, even though she cringed at the sight of blood and preferred to let her nanny daub vapo-rub on Doyle’s chest. She certainly isn’t the warmest teddy bear at the picnic, so it’s safe to say her bedside manner could use some work. This story of a neurosurgeon forced to grapple with his own lung cancer diagnosis might infuse some heart into the darkest, most misanthropic Paris fan.

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Lane Kim…

514jp71tlclRead: Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Music, Music, Music. Boys, Boys, Boys. by Viv Albertine

My heart breaks for you, world-weary Lane Kim fan. The tragic heroine of our series, this once-promising punk drummer was resigned to C-stories that included, but weren’t limited to: getting dumped by Dave Rygalski, going to Seventh Day Adventist College, dating a neanderthal who wasn’t even good at sex, marrying him, immediately having his twins, and staying at home while her neanderthal hubs goes on tour.

Laurie Anderson weeps.

Maybe a look at the insane, incredible stories of punk goddess Viv Albertine can provide an alternative route that Lane may have followed in another life, on another network…

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Jess Mariano…

51twybe-x1lRead: Bright Lights Big City by Jay McInerney

A member of the literary brat pack of the 80s, McInerney dated Amazons, did mounds of coke in the Random House bathrooms (I made this up but it SOUNDS RIGHT) and hung out with writers much younger and more talented than him (we’ll get to that later…)

Messy, daring, and with an air of danger, the Jess-head who craves an edge will fall for Bright Lights, Big City if he hasn’t already, and regard it with the same reverence as he does the works of Bukowski, Norman Mailer, and Hubert Selby, Jr. Y’know, all unimpeachable, upstanding young chaps who got strung out on heroin and stabbed their wives. (Norman Mailer did not send for me, but yes, I am coming for him.)

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Dean Forester…

51iz9tfdpsl-_sx332_bo1204203200_Read: Rabbit, Run by John Updike

The first novel of Updike’s Rabbit series details the romps of a young man who once lit up the basketball court (I don’t know basketball stuff, can it light up?) but now finds himself in a quarter-life crisis, trapped in a loveless marriage and a boring job. Naturally, he engages in a torrid love affair.

Very similarly, Dean finds himself in his own loveless marriage at the tender age of 19, pulling extra shifts at Doose’s so he can bring discount tuna sandwiches home for dinner. Naturally, he hooks up with his first love, Rory. This turns out supergreat and is really an A+ outcome for everyone involved.

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Logan Huntzberger…

41ypxyaprgl-_sy346_Read: Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis

Remember before when I was blabbing about Jay McInerney and how he hung out with sexier, hipper writers than him and I said we’ll get to that? Didn’t think I’d get to it, did you? Or maybe you kinda skimmed that part. Hey, this is a lot of words! I get that more than anybody!

What I intended to do was set up a dichotomy for Jay/Jess and his handsomer, groovier counterpart, Logan/Bret. Controversial, yes, but much like B.E.E.’s infamous protagonists, Logan is a sociopath, and loves sleeping in a bed of crisp benjamins. Check out the novel that made Ellis famous when he was a mere slip of a thing, a Bennington undergrad with the world at his disposal, and see if you don’t pick up on some parallels to ol’ Huntzbooger.

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is Paul Anka (The Dog Paul Anka, that is)…

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51gzewv2a0l-_sx329_bo1204203200_Read: The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

Perhaps the quirkiest character in a show that has quirk comin’ out the yin yang, Paul Anka is a lovable mutt who has problems going down steps but will warm up to you much quicker if you sprinkle sugar on your toeses.

The Art of Racing in the Rain is the most famous example in recent memory of a dog’s unique perspective, though that awesome episode of “High Maintenance” may be gunning for top billing. Watch out, Enzo and Paul Anka, the world’s ready for a new canine raconteur, and his name is Grandpa.

Amazon | B&N | Indiebound

If your favorite character is April Nardini…

vanessa-marano-gilmore-girls

Read: Why? by Why?

I require a detailed response.

It Doesn’t | Make Sense | To Me

The Stars’ Hollow Townie Round-Up:

Taylor Doose: Animal Farm by George Orwell. 

Every small-town government must have a Trotskyite pig named Snowball at its helm. Doose’s ours.

Miss Patty: The Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann. 

Miss Freaking Patty once danced in a cage for Tito Puente. Neely O’Hara should be so lucky.

Kirk Gleason: The Dream Life of Balso Snell by Nathanael West.

 A plucky guy ventures through the anus of a Trojan Horse and has all sorts of fun, defecatory adventures. Naturally!

Babette & Morey: Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald by Therese Ann Fowler. 

One crazy broad in the Jazz Age. What better fit for these two lovebirds?

Jackson Belleville: Farm Sanctuary by Gene Baur. 

For the kind-hearted vegetable peddler-who-tried-to-give-an-injured-spider-a-crutch-but-ended-up-disemboweling-it-accidentally in your life.

 

Featured photo: Netflix

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